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[10 Aug 2006|03:07pm] |
how is it that a person doesnt know what they want?
or if what they want is bad for them, and they know it, and that makes them not want it..but the original feeling is there and they still want it..is it possible to want something and not want it at the same time? does this make any sense to anyone?
im so utterly confused..this is the first time in my life i really dont know what i want when it comes to relationships
anthony broke up with me for maria..it hurt like a bitch, he lied to me, and he told me wasnt sure if he loved me and he kept it all from me for a long time. and that hurt. it hurt more than anything. the one person i solely trusted betrayed me and i didnt know how to handle it. so i did what every unstable girl does..i went a lil wild..did some things im proud of and did some things that were really fun.
and then i mellowed out and got comfortable with the fact that he was out of my life and i was going to move on and meet new people. bottom line: i was going to be ok...even better than ok..i was me and alone and that was cool.
so one day me and anthony talk on the phone..and it was weird at first but it was nice. i was alil suspicious of the motives but it was ok. at first it was innocent conversation with some flirtatious undertones. we talked every night for hours. it was the beginning of a new friendship..so i thought.
then one day we decide hes coming over to fix my computer. and it all goes downhill from here. he flirts with me and tickles me and im not gonna lie..i like it. in my mind the whole time im thinking i shouldnt be doing this and im dumb and naive and hes evil. he cheated on u and broke ur heart. and then he kissed me. and i got quiet. and he asks what im thinking? and all i can mutter is u hurt me. and he doesnt really say anything or something i dont remember. but i kiss him back. and then i feel like all ym progress and all everything about how i was fine being alone is flushed down the toilet. im back in an uncomfortable position about unclear boundaries and unclear feelings. i swore to myself i wouldnt continue doing this..but its about a month later and im still here.
and i dont know if its right or wrong. people i talk to tell me im making a big mistake and im hurting myself in the long run. why are u with someone that broke ur heart they all ask? and thats the answer he had my heart and he broke it but nonetheless he still has it. and i dont trust him and i feel like hes kind of using me. when i ask him if this is just sex to him. he tells me no. but when i ask about the future he tells me he doesnt know. and that makes me feel like hes lying.
i dont want to be in a relationship with him. things are different. theyre never going to be like before when we were happy and its all his fault. and i hate him for it.
i also want the freedom to go out and meet people and if i hookup its not cheating and i dont have to worry about me misbehaving. but hes still there and i still love him and uugh this all sucks!!!!!!!!!!
im getting nowhere with this. im still confused and lost. just lost. off thwe map and getting farther away from the trail. what do i do? someone help me...
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[10 Sep 2005|03:04pm] |
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love fucking sucks
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[02 Mar 2005|11:40am] |
if you read this,
you must post a memory of me.
it can be anything you want,
it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
then post this to your journal.
see what people remember about you.
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[26 Jan 2005|05:19pm] |
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i got my car back yayyyy
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[03 Jan 2005|10:58am] |
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everything i touch turns to shit...
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[08 Nov 2004|09:49pm] |
vfjipehrih;nvjsdk;gh!@#^ 5789i
thats how i feel..i cant explain it in words,
but for those who know me well enough,
i couldnt be any clearer..
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[29 Aug 2004|08:11pm] |
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sorry...i needed to scream
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[15 Jul 2004|02:29pm] |
If you and I were alone in a room right now, what would we be doing?
(Now post this in YOUR LJ, and see what people wanna do with you.)
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[23 Jun 2004|02:34pm] |
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and
organized. Likes to
point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize.
Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk
well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic.
Concerned and detailed.
Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very
confident. Sensitive.
Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and
knowledgeable. Loves to look for
information. Must control oneself when criticizing.
Able to motivate
oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Secretive. Loves sports, leisure
and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to
bottle up feelings. Very
choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[17 Jun 2004|10:04am] |
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i have officially decided that i am never getting married..
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[13 Jun 2004|09:38pm] |
new layout =)
spank you anthony <3
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| the end |
[28 Apr 2004|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
this journals been through alot..the good and the bad..
right now things are going fairly good, so ill end it here..
maybe ill start a new journal..maybe not...mayb ill pick up here again
byebye everyone..its been fun.
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[02 Mar 2004|08:44am] |
You are an angel, one of the winged beings that
deal out judgement and justice. You do not have
to be here by a requirement, but you are here
nonetheless by choice.
What level of divine power do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[09 Dec 2003|01:17pm] |
this is just random..
but i want brutally honest opinions..
do you guys think im attractive at all?
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[21 Nov 2003|05:44pm] |
Melissa Argh [5:42 PM]: yeah...whats the name of that movie thats out now...its a romnatic comedy
Melissa Argh [5:42 PM]: like about love or something
Marissa113 [5:43 PM]: love actually
Melissa Argh [5:43 PM]: yeah
Marissa113 [5:43 PM]: they make americans look so dirty in that movie
Melissa Argh [5:43 PM]: really?>
Melissa Argh [5:43 PM]: like how
Marissa113 [5:44 PM]: like theyre horny and will sleep with anything
Melissa Argh [5:44 PM]: o...damm
Melissa Argh [5:44 PM]: thats the french!
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sinful_kisses's journal